We bring so much into our relationships with us: the attachment styles we used to protect ourselves as children; wounds, expectations, and beliefs about ourselves from past partners; emotional needs too deep to voice. Is it any wonder, then, that relationships can feel so hard, or hurt so much when they aren’t going well?  

If your marriage or partnership has foundered on the rocks, it means you’re human. While many people can feel like seeking out couples therapy is a sign that their relationship is doomed, in reality, couples therapy is actually one of the healthiest and most loving things you can do for one another. Too many people think of couples therapy as a last resort—but then, by the time they sit down with a therapist, they’ve each checked out of the relationship already. It’s never too soon to try therapy. Even if you’re not stuck in conflict patterns you don’t know how to escape or facing a crisis in your relationship, you can still benefit. Think of it like bringing the car in for a tune-up; regular maintenance can prevent serious problems down the road. 

My approach to couples therapy will focus on helping you each understand the patterns that both pull you together and drive you apart at the same time. By understanding your partner’s needs and learning to express your own, you’ll be able to move from reactivity—attacking and feeling attacked—to connection and responsiveness. While we sort through tough issues like boundaries, sex, money, or in-laws, my focus will always be on helping you build a strong, lasting security that will carry you through years to come.