Navigating Valentine’s Day with Relationship Trauma
Why Valentines is hard.
Valentine’s Day is painted as a celebration of love — champagne toasts, candlelit dinners, red roses by the dozen. But for many people, especially those carrying relationship trauma or attachment wounds, this day feels… complicated.
If you find yourself feeling anxious, numb, sad, or even angry around this time of year, you’re not alone — and you’re not broken.
This post is for the ones who scroll past perfect couple photos feeling hollow. For those who dread the day’s arrival. For those who feel out of sync with the narrative of joy and romance.
Your feelings make sense. Let’s talk about why.
Why Valentine’s Day Can Be Triggering
Valentine’s Day can stir up intense emotions, not because you’re "too sensitive," but because it hits directly at the heart of past pain and unmet emotional needs.
Here’s why this holiday can activate old wounds:
Social pressure to be partnered, happy, or “grateful” can feel invalidating if you’re grieving, healing, or unsure about love.
Idealized imagery on social media reinforces unrealistic expectations and comparison — especially for those who have felt unseen, abandoned, or emotionally unsafe in past relationships.
Unmet expectations in current relationships may bring up disappointment or old narratives: “I’m not lovable” or “I always have to settle.”
Memories of past hurt — betrayal, neglect, emotional abuse — can resurface when the world is focused on intimacy and romance.
This is not your fault. These reactions are normal responses to a culture that oversimplifies love and often ignores the complexity of healing.
How Relationship Trauma Shows Up Around This Holiday
If you carry attachment wounds or have experienced relationship trauma, Valentine’s Day can amplify emotional patterns that usually stay under the surface.
You might notice:
• Heightened anxiety about your relationship status or how your partner will “show up”
• Emotional withdrawal or numbness, especially if you feel disconnected
• Over-functioning or people-pleasing to avoid disappointment or conflict
• Irritability or sadness you can’t quite explain
• Shame or self-blame if you feel "too much" or "not enough"
• Shut down or checked out responses to avoid feeling hurt again
These are all protective strategies your nervous system developed to stay safe. They’re not signs that you’re failing — they’re signs that your body remembers.
Ways to Support Yourself on Valentine’s Day
You don’t have to “just get through it.”
Here are some gentle, grounding ways to care for yourself — no matter your relationship status:
1. Let Go of the Shoulds
You don’t have to celebrate, smile, or feel grateful. You don’t have to perform emotional wellness. Give yourself permission to feel exactly how you feel.
2. Anchor Into Your Body
Come back to your senses. Weighted blankets, warm baths, walks in nature — whatever helps you reconnect to you.
3. Create a Safety Ritual
Choose a nourishing ritual: a book you love, a meal you enjoy, a playlist that helps you feel seen. Ritual isn’t fluff — it’s regulation.
4. Limit Social Media If Needed
Comparison is a trauma trigger. You’re not weak for needing boundaries around what you consume.
5. Name What’s True
Journal, voice-note, or talk with someone safe.
Try: “This day brings up a lot for me.” Naming it breaks the spell of shame.
How Therapy Can Help You Rebuild Safety
You don’t have to keep cycling through the same patterns alone.
Trauma-informed and attachment-based therapy creates a safe space to:
✔️ Identify how past relationship wounds show up today
✔️ Rebuild trust — with yourself, others, and your body
✔️ Learn how to name needs and feel safe expressing them
✔️ Rework patterns of avoidance, anxiety, or shutdown
✔️ Discover what emotional safety feels like — not just in theory, but in your nervous system
Therapy is where you get to be the version of yourself that doesn’t have to earn love through silence, shape-shifting, or self-abandonment.
Gentle Reflection + Invitation
If this day brings up more dread than delight — if you feel confused, numb, or reactive — that’s a message from your body, not a flaw in your character.
Ask yourself:
What does Valentine’s Day stir up in me?
What do I actually need today — not what I think I “should” want?
What part of me is still waiting to feel emotionally safe?
And if emotional safety still feels hard to access or maintain — know that support exists.
You are not too much. You are not too late. And you are worthy of healing.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Sari Glazebrook is a licensed clinical social worker providing in person psychotherapy in North Suburban Chicago and virtually across Illinois. Therapy intensives are in person only. She is trained in multiple trauma-focused modalities to best support clients who are looking to heal fast.
https://www.hopefulheartllc.com/about-me
https://www.hopefulheartllc.com/
Hopeful Heart LLC
540 Frontage Rd., Suite 3215, Northfield, IL 60093
224-456-8367
sariglazebrook@msn.com